I Mutter
I have been informed by a colleague that I mutter. Apparently I walk down the hallway muttering to myself. I had no idea. I mean, I know that usually my mind is racing, espcially if things are busy or we are having a crisis of some sorts, but I had no idea that I actually said anything. This can’t be a good thing. No wonder half my parishioners think I am an escaped mental patient.
I think this is increasing as I am working through mobility issues. There is a certain level of anxiety connected to mobility anyway. Add to that the fact that I am feeling a certain amount of guilt about mobility, and it is a recipe for beng a little stressed about it. My family has dealt with so much upheaval. The time we have had in this house in this town has been longest any of us have spent in one place. This is the first home that we all shared, and there is something very comforting about coming here every night after I leave the church. My son is doing well in school and our neighborhood is filled with his friends. I know that kids are resilient, but I hate to uproot him.
In many ways, the change for me is less anxiety inducing, as I knew what I was getting into before I ever accepted my first call. Before Mrs. LP and I married, I went to great pains to explain the baggage that comes with marrying Lutheran pastor. We made choices and can live with the extension of those decisions. But A. didn’t choose this. Last night at dinner we were talking a little bit about the move and he said, “You mean it might be next year?” When I responded affirmatively, he shoulders slumped and his head dropped. It was hard to see.
And yes, I know, I am supposed to have faith and all that good stuff. I moved a lot when I was kid. It was awful. Every year, sometimes a couple times each year, I had to start over. My parents hae continued that pattern even now. I never talk about going “home” to see my parents because it is not like I am going anywhere that I recognize as “home”. And there is nothing I would love more than to be able to go home. Poor A has already been exposed to this same pattern. In so many ways, I wan to be able to provide him with that home, with that security and safety that cmes from familiarity. I feel a huge amount of guilt that I am not providing that.
Unfortunately, there is not much I can do to stop this process and stay in ministry. In the meantime, I guess, I’ll keep muttering in the hallway.
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Hey, there’s nothing wrong with muttering! Besides, that’s probably not the only reason they think you’re an escaped mental patient!
But the moving thing, I HATE moving! I think we moved like 15 times before I graduated High School. We rarely moved very far so it wasn’t as disruptive as it could have been but still, there’s no one house I think of as ‘home’ except the one I live in now.
That is one of the main things that is keeping me from the itinerant ministry (as we call it).
Good luck.
If you feel that you are being called to this change in your ministry, then trust that A will adjust. No, it’s not easy. But no child is ever happy about a move when it happens.
When I was heading into high school, we moved from Midwest to Chattanooga because my Dad got a call to a church there. I was not happy about it, and neither was my brother who would have to have his senior year in a different school.
But within a few years, we found that we were quite happy in our new location. We were thriving there in a way that we couldn’t have where we were before. Ultimately, what was best for our family turned out to be this move caused by Dad’s ministry.
Have patience. The adjustment will be hard for A, and for Mrs. LP. But trust that in the end, you will find a place that is right for everyone.
Well…at least a second call is likely to last a bit longer….quite possibly…..
My mum mutters, but I like it and I always ask her what she is thinking.
Don’t feel too guilty, you must be doing what you are supposed to be doing and i’m sure having a pastor as a dad would have more of a posative effects on A than negative.
This post hit a chord with me, and not just because I mutter (and sometimes growl), but because I too have been moved around all the days of my life. I tried to “go home” this summer, it didn’t work very well, after my year of mission in England my parents were up in Alaska and I showed up back in Wyoming where they have an appartment, but do not live.
Anyway my sympothies for A.
Peace,
Chris
There has to be a happy medium between moving a lot and never moving. My good friend’s family has had to move every 3-7 (usually less than 5 years) years due to the man’s employment with the federal government. Interestingly, the children viewed it as a positive and the parents have continued the pattern now, in their retirement. One thing that they viewed as positive is the divesting of extraneous material goods. It has helped them see what is really important in their lives, namely family.
My family has been more settled. Now we are dealing with my mother being in a nursing home and “what to do with the house.” The house has been in the family since the early 1900’s. It has been inhabited by pack rats. There has never been a rational way of dealing with all the STUFF.
I know it is the trend for churches to NOT provide parsonages. But I can’t help but think that if pastors are made to move, then the housing should be provided, at least for the first call. A person can’t come out ahead financially if they have to sell after only a couple of years.
My first call (my current congregation) provided us with a parsonage. It was a big factor in our decision. Yes, we feel that this congregation is a great fit for my wife and me; but, Yes, we looked more closely at this congregation because it provided a parsonage.
That fact is, as a first career, first call pastor, there was no way that I could have purchased a home (and there is very little rental property in the area … although money would have been a little tight to even come up with the cash for a rental). One of the ironies: they were beginning to talk about tearing down the parsonage here (literally right next to the church, between the church and the cemetery) because “pastors don’t want to live that close to the church anymore.” Well, (1) my wife and I actually prefer this arrangement, and (2) some pastors can’t afford to do anything else even if they wanted to.
I have no interest in a parsonage. We have been able to build equity in this home (our first) over the past couple of years. I can see how it is a good thing in some locales, but it will be a deal breaker when searching for the next call.