True Confessions About My Own Jealousy and Pettiness
A few weeks ago I started noticing signs popping up at the edge of my neighborhood advertising a new church start with a trendy name. To tell you the truth, I hated the name to the point of finding it offensive, and more than one time wanted to uproot the sign from the ground and toss it into a nearby lake. For google-ability purposes, I am not naming names, but needless to say it is one more of those mega-church model churches with the praise chick and the worship band and the pastor who wears jeans and a strategically untucked dress shirt. You know the type. It is a great kind of church for some people. It is certainly not a church for me.
Anyway, for the last four or five weeks I have received at least one, sometimes two postcards from these folks inviting us to their inaugural service. We even got a door hanger I believe. Understand, these people worked it. They did whatever they needed to do to get their name out. So at their first “public” worship service they had over 300 people. When I got news of this, I felt whatever wind that was left beneath my sails suddenly dissipate. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it at first. Truth is, I was pissed off about the whole thing. Who were these people to come into this area and start this new church with numbers we can only dream of at my mission start? We’ve been busting our backside for three years here, only to have to have one Sunday where we broke 100, and I wasn’t even there that Sunday (wife was in labor).
The ugly truth is that I was (maybe still am) jealous. This is totally about me and my ego more than anything else. I really thought I was going to come down here and see this mission turn around, and the painful truth is that it really has not changed much at all. I can’t see things changing in the foreseeable future. Naturally, I take that very personally. I know I should not take it personally, that there is plenty of blame to go around for everyone. But I lose sleep. Here lately I have been losing a lot of sleep over it. Why aren’t things different? Why aren’t they changing? Why were there only 60 in church yesterday when Church of the Mega-Lo Mart had 300? There are dozens of answers to each of these questions, but I am not sure even knowing the answers help all that much. I have this deep, guttural reaction to anything that looks like failure. The struggle is bad enough, but do I need new church coming along and rubbing my nose in it? Uh, no! Ego, enter stage right.
You see: petty and jealous and insulting. Instead of being happy that 300 or so people heard the Gospel – many of whom may have never heard it before – I was jealous. I think I still am. And I hate myself for it. Instead of viewing them as fellow partners in spreading the Good News, I have the urge to urinate on street corners to mark my territory. This is not a pastor at his finest moment.
Please pray for my soul and repentance.
Please pray for this new church, that they will touch people that my church and others in the area are not touching.
Finally, pray that I learn to simply know nothing except for Christ and him crucified.
October 11, 2010 at 12:14 pm
I’ll definitely keep you and this new church in my prayers. I’m a college student and there’s a church in town that sounds like the one you described… and I must admit I started going there rather than to the ELCA churches around me. The new one I think draws me in because of all the young members, plus some of my friends go there. The music is really loud but fun to sing. Although I can’t help but feel somewhat uncomfortable the whole time thinking this isn’t what I believe worship should be. Some of the theology in the songs and sermons I just can’t help but disagree with! And yet I keep going!
October 11, 2010 at 1:17 pm
In obedience to the command of Christ, I forgive you all your sins.
Can I do that online? Screw it. I just did.
Thanks for sharing. You give voice to what so many of us just let fester in our hearts and minds, and perhaps share over coffee at the start or completion of a conference meeting …
October 11, 2010 at 1:30 pm
Get with the program Pastor, preach what people want to hear, not what you called to provide.
We are in the heart of conservative country with a message of love and not law. Our theology is considered heresy in some circles at the moment.
So jump on the prosperity bandwagon, preach about giving to the church so they will become wealthy. Measure you mission church success by driving a Rolls instead of a Dodge pickup truck. Join TBN……..
Of course these suggestions may not be advisable…but sometimes I think my calling may just be televangelism!
October 11, 2010 at 5:30 pm
While I can understand your frustration having served on staff at three “small” churches and attended two “mega” churches. But the truth we shouldn’t get our thoughts wrapped up in the numbers game. Instead we should focus on who God made us to be and trust him. Not all are able to pastor “mega” churches…you will find they are typically very personality-driven. Fact is not everyone can pastor a “small” church or one in the middle.
Regardless I understand your frustration…though perhaps now is the time to evolve your thinking by seeing them as partners and not enemies. Maybe you should set up a lunch meeting with the pastor. Get to know him…who knows what could come out of that relationship.
October 11, 2010 at 5:43 pm
Instead of being happy that 300 or so people heard the Gospel
Is that what they heard? the Gospel?
I don’t think you know whether they heard the Gospel unless you were there. The only thing you know is whether people receive Christ in Word and Sacrament in your own congregation. If they do, then you’re doing your job no matter what Mr Megachurch down the road is doing.
I wonder how many of the 300 who showed up are from the designated “core group” from the new church’s denomination (or from the “non-denominational” megachurch that is sponsoring the new plant). I wonder how many of the 300 are “well-wishers” from the sponsoring church who will go back to their home church next Sunday. And I wonder how many are honest “seekers” or church-shoppers who might really make this new plant their home church. I would not bet on it being too many.
Finally, I sincerely hope that this new church plant is not one of the megachurch-wannabes that my synod (LCMS) has been planting around the country. If it is, I sincerely apologize on behalf of my Church body.
October 15, 2010 at 7:17 am
thank you for your honesty… it’s getting me thinking about my own struggles too, but not so much time to refelct right now…
October 19, 2010 at 9:45 pm
I’ve been thinking a lot about this post, and Mark keeps coming to mind:
John said to him, ‘Master, we saw someone who is not one of us driving out devils in your name, and because he was not one of us we tried to stop him.’ But Jesus said, ‘You must not stop him; no one who works a miracle in my name could soon speak evil of me. and who is not against us is for us.’
I must admit though, that I, like Chris Jones, have doubts as to whether the mega church types actually preach the Gospel. It seems that the simple black and white answers and the rhetoric of exclusion, not to mention prosperity gospel seems to be contrary to the Gospel of Love.
It all goes back to liturgy for me. As we pray we believe. Luther created his German Mass ,a simplified liturgy, to train people upward to the Latin Mass. The nondenominational, mega, tent revival churches seem like they could be wonderful stepping stones in to liturgical worship, but they clearly don’t share in an eucharistic or creedal faith. Non-liturgy and simple answers leave no room for doubt. (Der zweifel ist nicht das gegenteil doch ein element des glaubens. Doubt is not contrary to but rather an element of faith. (Kierkegaard I think.) (Maybe Melanchthon.)) no room for Grace, for Love.
Loving one’s neighbor, passing the peace, is beautifully expressed through liturgy and the traditions of the confessional church, the Evangelical Catholic Church, the Anglican Church, the Orthodox Church, and even perhaps Rome. When the babes have had their fill of milk they will come looking for meat, and they will know we are Christians by our Love.
October 21, 2010 at 9:10 am
Coming from a liturgical sacramental church, I would always hesitate to embrace a personality driven, non-sacramental church, but I’m sure any type of Christian church could be sharing the true Gospel, depending on the pastor and his/her background. However, I’ve also attended Lutheran services with my mother at the nursing home that were liturgical and sacramental, with a sermon, which left me feeling that I wasn’t ministered to by the pastor in any caring way. I just told myself to hang onto the thought that Christ came to me through the elements even if the pastor didn’t seem to be showing Jesus through his ministry.
What about measuring success by looking at the “What’s next” questions? Yes, the Gospel is preached in our Lutheran Churches, but what’s next? What about the message of serving? What about the uncomfortable things that Jesus said? Is a pastor “successful” at making some people squirm when they really hear some of the whole message? Do some of these people leave because they are uncomfortable? I just don’t think success should be measured by warm butts in the pews.
October 21, 2010 at 9:19 am
I completely know and understand your jealousy. Know that your sins are forgiven. I pray that you can cast off your guilt and repent in the joy and mercy of God.
But I think I know how you feel. I pastor a church that had an average worship attendance in 2009 of 67 people on a Sunday. The finance committee is constantly trying to find ways and places to trim fat and I’m afraid that soon they may be cutting into bone. My faithlessness and frustration comes in wishing that people would give more so that we could (a) pay our bills and my salary without worrying where the money is going to come from and (b) have something extra with which to dream about what other ministry we could do in our community and the world.
And when I talk about evangelism, about inviting people to church, I feel like it’s falling on deaf ears. The people in the pews are worried about the future of the church too but it doesn’t seem they’re worried enough to actually do something about it.
Why can’t we do the marketing campaigns that get 300 people out to a service like the mega church start up? Is it about not having the money? Is it about not having the will? Is it about not believing it will actually work or make a difference?
I continue to believe that our word and sacrament worship and the community of believers that gather, even in our small churches, can change lives and change our world. Faith in that usually gets me through the frustration that I often feel.
Shalom
October 22, 2010 at 8:39 am
Tom,
Is not the work of the Church to do church? Is it not the mission of the Lutheran church to be the Evangelical Catholic Church: not only sacramental, but creedal, confessional, and liturgical? I agree with PSanAT above that parishioners should squirm in the pew from time to time. some of the best sermons I’ve heard have challenged me to live the Gospel and made me uncomfortable.
There is nothing wrong with being uncomfortable, with having doubt, and I agree that the Evangelical Catholic liturgy, that doing the work of the Church well does change lives and the world, but…
The bulk of your response is about capitalism, a kind of Reaganomics approach to church which makes a priest a CEO, and has very little to do with the Gospel. It seems appropriate that after reading your response yestereve that the epistle reading that I heard for Matins today was this from I Timothie:
…supposing that gaine is godlinesse: From such withdraw thy selfe. For we brought nothing in to this world, and it is certaine we can cary nothing out. And hauing food and raiment let vs be therewith content. But they that wil be rich, fall into temptation and snare, and into many foolish and hurtfull lusts, which drowne men in destruction and perdition. For the loue of money is the root of all euill, which while some coueted after, they haue erred from the faith, and pierced themselues through with many sorrowes. But thon, O man of God, flie these things; and follow after righteousnesse, godlinesse, faith, loue, patience, meekenesse.
Consider the lilies of the field:
You’re correct that there are people who are plodding along waiting someone to show them the Grace that they’ve been given, to be invited to “Come and see”, but this is not accomplished through marketing, but by living the work of the Church, by living the Gospel in our liturgical tradition and in our lives.
Have you challenged your congregation with a consistent return to traditional liturgy and music? Are they getting liturgical meat, that they want to share? If you’re responding here I assume they are. Your favorite movie is field of dreams. Build it!
October 22, 2010 at 8:51 am
All of the responses bring to mind different things and raise valid points. I do often wonder if people in megachurches hear God’s Word proclaimed as Law and Gospel. I like what I once heard Dr. Rodger Nishioka of Columbia Seminary (PCUSA) say, which is that megachurches can serve as a sort of Ellis Island for the unchurched. It is a good first introduction, but not sustainable in the long term.
As for me, I feel like what this experience and conversation has done is to solidify my devotion to a very simple approach to ministry: I am going to keep preaching Christ and him crucified and administering the sacraments and pronouncing forgiveness of sin. That is what I was called to do, so that it is what I will do.
Tom, I am with you on the frustrations of giving. Our church is about the same size, and it is struggle to keep everything afloat in this economy. Our whole stewardship thrust this year is “Step Out on Faith.” Words we can all take to heart. Bless you, Tom, in your ministry.
October 22, 2010 at 11:56 am
Wrong blog URL corrected. Sorry about that.
October 23, 2010 at 1:24 pm
“Steadfast love transforms all failure,
and gently cradles it
in the soft
radiance of heavenly light.”
-Dietrich Bonhöffer, Glück und Unglück (Success and Failure)
We are called to be in certain places and certain times. Sometimes we have great, immediate success. Sometimes we don’t know the product of our work until much later and sometimes we will never know. Sometimes we fail. I don’t believe that congregational success can be quantified by means of worship attendance statistics, but I do know that God can transform even our failures. It sounds to me like you are where you have been called to be.
Peace –
Val
October 25, 2010 at 12:00 pm
Just wandered by your blog, and I really, really appreciate it. I have been there right in that place mentally and spiritually, and it is beyond tough, and you articulated it so well.
I don’t think we EVER stop doing what we’re called to do, but I do think that all of us are called to question how we go about it. What IS the difference? I’m really interested in this question these days even from my bigger (not mega!) church.
November 30, 2010 at 9:51 pm
BEEN THERE brother. Been there. I call those Designer jeans, hair gel and screen printed dress shirt wearing church-planter guys “Young Warriors”. They draw a crowd and it makes me want to self-harm.